The Aftermath: Raven's Feelings
by OptimusChrist
Summary: How does Raven handle the idea of being destined to kill her friends and destroy the world? One timer. Slight RaeRob. Takes place between Birthmark and The Prophecy episodes.


One timer folks.

Birthmark has to be my favorite episode, and I was always interested in how Raven felt about her supposed destiny. My view:

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* * *

The Aftermath: Raven's Feelings**

Red lights are flashing, the ever constant signal throughout our home. I hear the voice of the fearless leader shout his infamous words.

"Titans, Go!"

I set my book down. It's time to play the heroine, to save the lives of those that reside in the city. My cloak is at the door, hanging on a small post that I put there the other day. I put it on and open the door. It's time.

The scene is as always, the streets are empty; all the people have run away, leaving their problems to us. Cars are overturned; holes are strewn about in the street like confetti after a parade. In the middle of it all, is one man. Standing in the chaos, laughing. His laughter resembles the haunting cry of a raven. The kind of sound that chills your spine, and brings long forgotten memories to your mind. I swallow hard. I do not need those memories, not now.

Beastboy is speaking, but I'm not listening. He's only trying to steal the spotlight, to get attention for himself. I can only hear the demonic laughter of my father as he conquers my world.

"Titans, Go!"

Robin speaks again, and leads the attack, his Bo staff at the ready. Starfire follows shortly, hurling starbolts at our newfound nemesis. Cyborg is riding Beastboy, who has turned into some sort of dinosaur. The blue beam from his arm cannon firing recklessly, missing the target. I fly forward to take down this criminal. He is dressed in black, a small cape hanging from his shoulders. Red X has returned. He lets out another haunting laugh, and leaps for Robin.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos" An overturned car goes flying for him. He lands on it and jumps off quickly to strike Robin. He makes contact and Robin goes flying. Starfire tries to catch him, but only succeeds in getting herself injured as well. The two of them go whizzing by me. He laughs still, moving to take down the rest of my teammates. A giant x flies towards Cyborg and Beastboy. They try to dodge but fail. The x hits them and traps them to the ground in sticky goo. I am the only one left.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos!" I send black hands out to grab him, but he evades their grasp. Tentacles fly from under my cloak, trying to capture him, to hurt him, to stop him. It's his fault I remember that horrible day, that vision. It's his fault I have to spend more of my day thinking of how I'll kill the ones I love. One tentacle hits him in the side, sending him flying into the side of a building. He hits it with his back and his whole body arches backward as he falls to the ground with a sickening thud. He isn't moving. I can feel the fear begin to grow inside, wondering if he's dead. I hope to whatever god that may be watching me that he isn't. I don't need his death on me, not with everything else.

"Raven…"

I look over, Robin is walking forward, concern in his eyes.

"Dude! What did you do to him?"

No… not Beastboy, not now. I don't need this, I can't handle this. I feel the black aura grow around me as I sink to the ground. The blackness envelopes me and I still feel the sinking feeling, even though the ground should have stopped me.

* * *

I open my eyes; my room is before me. I teleported…again. They'll be home soon, after they turn Red X into the authorities, if he's alive. I can see them now, turning me out on the street, abandoning me like I always knew they would. Calling me a murderer, calling me a demon. I can't blame them if they did, who could love what I am. If they knew, if _he_ knew… 

I hear a knock at the door.

"Raven? You ok?"

Robin's voice, it sounds…concerned. Genuine concern. As I walk to the door I relax the muscles in my face, forcing a blank stare upon it. Before the door opens, I inhale deeply, trying to relax. I only let the door open a fraction, to keep him from seeing all of my face. It will be easier to keep my composure that way.

"What Robin?"

My voice sounds harsher than I meant it to be, but it works fine anyways. I can see the hurt in his face; perhaps he'll just back away now, and leave me to my miserable thoughts.

"Are you okay Raven? You just disappeared after taking down X."

Am I okay? Of course I am, after all, I'm only dealing with the fact that I'm part demon and destined to destroy the world, to destroy him, and everything he knows and loves. But he can't know that, he can't know my heritage, my future. If he did, he would hate me, hate me more than I know he does now.

I let out a long, slow breath. "I'm fine Robin."

His face relaxes; he seems to believe me. He stands a while in silence, staring at me. I say nothing to him, hoping he'll leave. He finally turns to leave, but stops and turns his head back over his shoulder.

"If you want to talk Raven, I'm here for you."

Hope. It sounds like he's hoping for me to say something. I can't, I can't do it to him. I don't want to lie to him, he's the closest thing I have to someone that understands me, but I can't tell him. I can't jeopardize what little we have.

"I'm fine Robin, I really am." I try to give a weak smile, to convince him that it's true. To convince myself. He seems to buy it; he begins to walk away.

"Feel free to come out and hang with us Raven, we'd love your company one of these times."

He doesn't quit, ever. His blind determination is one of his greatest traits, and one of his greatest weaknesses. It is a trait that we all admire, that I admire, his determination to protect us, the city, and the whole world if he could. Is it any wonder that I fell for this noble man? He's the only one that accepts me for who I am, but I deny him. If I gave in to my feelings, I'd kill him. If I told him the truth, he wouldn't want to know me. My life is nothing but misery, yet I keep on, trying to do good for them, to convince them I'm good, to convince myself.

Looking around my room I see all my dark and foreign items, things that are beyond the comprehension of most mortals. Yet I find comfort in them. I close my eyes, my head is pounding. Life has been more of a hell ever since he came back, since he did this to me. The nightmares are the worst part. Every night the dream of their bodies, turned to stone and struggling against the hordes of my father's legions. They died so young, trying to stop me. Even Robin fell before my father, before me.

"No…"

I open my eyes, surprised that I spoke aloud. The image fights its way to my mind; I can see them now. Oh god, I can see the pain in their eyes. I try and fight back the terror, the pain that the image brings. My eyes are closed again, as hard as I can make them, my hands to my head, trying to make it go away.

"NO!"

I open my eyes again. How did I get on the floor? I look at my hands, the markings are back. Why won't they go away? Why did he do this to me? I suffer enough as is, why does it have to be worse? My arms are trembling, I can feel my whole body shake. The fear and sorrow, I can't even begin to believe it's possible to feel this way, but I do.

A small sound comes from the other side of my door, it sounds like music. I stop my trembling and listen. Someone must be playing the radio very loudly to reach my room. I can just barely make out the words.

_Where would you rather be?  
Anywhere but here  
When will the time be right?  
Anytime but now_

_On the edge of sleep, I was drifting for half the night  
Anxious and restless, pressed down by the darkness  
Bound up and wound up so tight._

_So tight…_

_So many decisions, a million revisions  
Caught between darkness and light..._

I can feel tears welling up in my eyes as the sound of objects in my room exploding blocks out parts of the song.

_On the edge of sleep, I heard voices behind the door  
The known and the nameless, familiar and faceless  
My angels and my demons at war_

Whoever is playing this song knows how I feel, they have to. It seems as if this whole song was being played for me.

_Which one will lose depends on what I choose  
Or maybe which voice I ignore..._

_Wilderness of mirrors  
Streets of cold desire  
My precious sense of honour  
Just a shield of rusty wire  
I hold against the chaos  
And the cross of holy fire_

_Wilderness of mirrors  
So easy to deceive  
My precious sense of rightness  
Is sometimes so naive  
So that which I imagine  
Is that which I believe_

The tears come full now; the sorrow trapped in my heart has broken free. I can't help it, I break down. My strength leaves me as I fall to the ground, sobbing to myself. All I can feel is despair. The despair seems to be ripping my soul apart, destroying me from the inside.

How can I be alive and feel this?

* * *

Well that's it. Give me your thoughts if you want. 


End file.
